Decisions, Decisions

Intuition will tell the thinking mind where to look next ~ Jonas Sa

I’m a planner.  I love having goals and working towards them.  There is nothing more satisfying than making a goal, a plan to get there and celebrating when it comes to fruition.  As Hannibal (think A-Team, not Lecter) said, “I love it when a plan comes together.” I also love planning events and things to do.  I love having “stuff” to look forward to. It makes me smile to see events and adventures upcoming on the calendar. Of course, that often means making a decision about what events to do and which ones to prioritize.  In the city, there is a never-ending list of potential weekend plans and options. Making a decision about what to do is often made based on a cost-benefit analysis, or based on that gut feeling, when you see an event and you just know that you have to go.  There’s an immediate reaction of “hell yeah I wanna do that!” In general, I’m pretty good at making decisions. Of course, I’m always in danger of overthinking a situation and then the decision becomes harder and harder to make. I also have an amazing ability talk my way in or out of a decision and make the “data” support what I really want to do anyway.  It’s a superpower. Especially when deciding to buy the second pair of shoes.

There are two different types of thinking that ultimately lead to decision making.  Fast thinking is intuitive, instinctive and emotional, based on that elusive “gut-feeling” or from the heart, what feels right? Slow thinking is deliberate, logical, calculated, based on our consciousness and what do we think is right?

What method brings you calm and confidence? Which one invokes fear or resistance?

Everyone has an innate preference, a default decision making process.  Mine has traditionally been based on my intuition, my heart, and has been emotionally driven.  It hasn’t always served me well, but I also haven’t always listened to my intuition, but rather have been more impulsive.  I have forged ahead, similar to a bull in a china shop, believing that what I was doing was what felt right, that the anxious, nausea-inducing, ball of knots in my stomach was merely fear brought on by an impulsive, quick decision that may be judged as illogical.  However, time after time (yes there has been more than one time!), that furball in my throat was my intuition screaming at me. I had to learn how to listen.

There are also two different types of decisions.  Logical decisions, that require the trusted pro and con list, that require effortful thought, and a sometimes forced slow down, to sit with the decision.  How to spend your life savings, buying and selling property, or job changing decisions likely fall into this category, although ask anyone experiencing a mid-life crisis how long they thought about their decision to buy the Camaro?

There are also decisions that can never be logical, that absolutely must be intuitive, emotional and heart-driven.  What feels good, right and places me at ease? Whenever I have had to move, or decided to move,I find my next new-to-me apartment by what feels good, what feels like home. Of course, I likely have a list of “must-haves,” such as a certain price range, geographical location, and insuite laundry. But if the apartment checks all the boxes and doesn’t feel like home, it never will.

Relationships and love can only be intuitive, emotional and heart-driven. Love is not practical, it doesn’t follow a pro-con list or a spreadsheet of rationales. I do have a list of “deal-breakers,” and I’ve met the “perfect on paper” guy, but the emotional connection and possibility of love was completely lacking and that can never be forced or fabricated.

I’m still learning to trust my intuition, my gut feelings. I always believed that I struggled with anxiety. I was always called a worry wart and was constantly worried about situations and outcomes. This carried over into my decision making, and especially into my relationships. I believed that I was just anxious in relationships, that it was an insecurity, a self-esteem issue. I wish I knew in my early years what I know now: those intense feelings of anxiety were my intuition telling me that the situation, the relationship, was not right for me, that my boundaries were breached, my needs were not being met or able to be met, or I simply was not on the same page, I didn’t feel it. This doesn’t just happen in love relationships, but in all interpersonal human connections.

My most recent love decision came easily and readily. My intuition sang in agreement with my heart and my brain. All the stars aligned. The perfect on paper, my intuition and my heart all choose the same way. It was quite literally the easiest decision I’ve ever made so far. I’m getting better at making decisions and deciphering my intuition’s messages, but don’t ask me where I want to go for dinner.

Listen to your intuition. It will tell you everything you need to know ~ Anthony J. D’Angelo