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Naturally Calamity Jane

Stumbling towards Serenity

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Month: July 2018

July 18, 2018July 18, 2018Naturally Calamity Jane7 Comments on Toys in the Attic

Toys in the Attic

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*********** That girl Sitting next to you on the bus Eating dinner in her favourite restaurant Walking to the store for milk Small smile on her face Expressionless eyes In a daze or maybe a fog Given sideways glances raised eyebrows Silent assessments judgements A war is raging in her A battle being fought Silently screaming Gasping for breath Struggling to climb her way out an insurmountable task. Today I am That girl Tomorrow you may be That girl * At different times, in various moments, we all struggle. We all feel like falling down. Not knowing if we have the strength to climb out. Behind the smile and the outward cheer could be an opportunity to reach out, provide courage and spread kindness 💚 * Full link in bio #aboutus #kindnessmatters #compassion #authenticity #iamenough #selfloverevolution

“Courage transforms the emotional structure of our being. This change often brings a deep sense of loss. During the process of rising we often find ourselves homesick for a place that no longer exists. We want to go back to that moment before we walked into the arena, but there’s nowhere to go back to. What makes this even more difficult is now we have a new level of awareness about what it means to be brave...we now know when we are showing up and when we are hiding out. When we are living our values and when we are not” ~ Brené Brown - Rising Strong * Be brave. Be present. And above all else be kind 💚

Time flies over us, but leaves it’s shadow behind ~ Nathaniel Hawthorne * November. Time keeps on keeping on, summer a mere memory left behind. We have so many quotes to describe the fast passage of time and how life is too short to waste. * I also recognize all the ways I describe not having enough time to do all the things, see all the things and be all the things. That there are not enough hours in the day. That somehow we are powerless to squeeze in the things we truly want to do, see, be. * While we can’t do it all, all the time. Life is about decisions and choices. I make a decision and a choice every day to prioritize my morning cycling class over sleeping in or reading that book I’m dying to read that is collecting dust and coffee ring stains on my bedside table. I choose to watch the next episode of Ozark rather than write in my journal or blog. All of these are decisions. Choices made. * I recognize we don’t all have the luxury of these types of choices. And I’m grateful to be able to decide at each turn how I will spend my time. As the grey day parts for some sun and blue sky, a memory of summer, I am reminded of the passage of time. Summer is right around the corner. Again. Am I happy with the choices I made in spending my time? * If I look close I can find time for what’s most important ❤️

The darkest night is no match for the dimmest light ~ @longdistancelovebombs * Black Friday, the name elicits a coldness and a melancholy vibe for me. It makes me recall times of darkness, dark moments and dark thoughts. A time where getting out of bed was a struggle, never mind facing the world, or myself in the mirror. I remember an overwhelming feeling of not wanting to be inside my own head or body. The pain of wanting to be someone else...anyone else... was excruciating. * The darkness fades. It always does. The light takes over, it starts small and grows. What at first was a glimmer, became a flame and my smile returned and then my laugh. I’ve been in the darkness. Fuck that. Bathe me in light. And love. And kindness. * I’m sure there will be more darkness, but the difference is that I know, deep in my bones, that darkness won’t last. I won’t let it. I will find the spark again and throw gas on it until it’s an inferno. No more Black Friday, it’s Light Friday. All the days. All the minutes. Smile. Love. Laugh. Light. Pass it on 💚

Yelling at living things does tend to kill the spirit in them. Sticks and stones may break our bones, but words will break our hearts... ~ Robert Fulghum . I believe there are times in our lives when the Universe if very clearly trying to tell us something. For me, this is one of those times. Over the last few days I have been immersed in a world revolving around language, linguistics, the very nuances of the language we use every day and how we use that language. . As a words girl, this is a strong reinforcement of the power of words. And a shocking revelation of how poorly, in general, we communicate with each other. We are very good at using our words to judge and express opinions, but we have not been taught how to use our words to express our feelings or our underlying needs, to be empathetic. Communicating feelings, needs and desires involves being vulnerable, so it is far easier to communicate in a manner where blame or responsibility is placed on another, instead of taking responsibility for our own language and how we use it. . Full link in bio

Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen ~ Brené Brown . Authentic, vulnerable, raw, real, self-love...all the words on the forefront of my mind and making their way onto my page time and time again. I have found with age, coupled with the desire to get to know my true self, my confidence in myself has grown. As has the desire to be free of have to’s, shoulds and doubt, fear and insecurities. However 40+ years of being leaves a significant imprint that requires constant mindful awareness to begin changing behaviours and beliefs that have become reflexes. . I have read all the words in books such as The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a F@ck, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F@ck and You Are a Badass. They all speak to the notion of being unapologetically me and to be free of the fear and limiting behaviour of worrying about what others think, how they view me and how I “should” act, feel or think. The idea that what others think of me is none of my business. And I have no control over others reactions anyway. To shed the mask and be myself and stand in my truth is to live wholeheartedly. . There is an inherent danger in this. There is a danger in believing that to no longer give a f@ck means to disregard others entirely. To live a life where fewer f@cks are given is not a free license to be an asshole. It doesn’t equate to being mean, cold, insulting or self serving. Can you embody all of those things? Of course, but not without consequence. No, I don’t have control over how others perceive me. But I do have control over my own thoughts, feelings and actions. And I can choose to conduct myself with consideration of others and with kindness. There is still accountability for my words, for my actions and for living with integrity 💚

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