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Naturally Calamity Jane

Stumbling towards Serenity

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Month: June 2018

June 27, 2018Naturally Calamity Jane4 Comments on The Unattainable Goal

The Unattainable Goal

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Anxiety is the handmaiden of creativity ~ T. S. Eliot . I hear voices. Thankfully the majority of the time those voices come from people who are actually speaking to me, or through the earphones I wear on my commute home. But there are times, when I hear the voices in my head. Not all of them are friendly. Some of them are encouraging, especially the ones that chime in when I’m attempting a hard hike or a fast run or a steep hill on my bike. Those voices are the ones who say “you’ve got this!” “nothing lasts forever” and “pain? What pain?” I also have voices of reason, or as I refer to them ‘buzz killers’. “Perhaps you don’t need to buy those shoes since you have ten other pairs” “a helmet would be a great idea since you are riding your bike in traffic” and “do you really think you need to eat another slice of pizza?” . But I also have The Mean Girl in my head. I hear her voice loud and clear. And she is just that...mean. She is young, thin, beautiful and oh so much fun! She wears the Cool Chick persona like it was made for her and she constantly points out how I’m an Imposter. She likes to tell me, voice dripping with sarcasm, that there is someone better (looking, fitter, smarter, funnier) out there and when (my partner, boss, friends) find that person they will realize what an Imposter I am. That I’m not that great and I will end up rejected, forget the fear of being picked last for the team, I won’t get picked at all. A permanent bench-warmer. When I re-read that, it’s pretty obvious that I’m hearing the voice of The Mean Girl. But when I’m in the midst of her rant, when my anxieties start grabbing hold, her words are misinterpreted for a “gut-feeling” and I manage to find all the proof I need to support her bullying. . Full link in bio

What a liberation to realize that the ‘voice in my head’ is not who I am. ‘Who am I then?’ The one who sees that ~ Eckhart Tolle

Always say ‘yes’ to the present moment...Surrender to what is ~ Eckhart Tolle

Perfectionism is not a quest for the best. It is a pursuit of the worst in ourselves, the part that tells us that nothing we do will ever be good enough - that we should try again ~ Julia Cameron I haven’t written in awhile. I’ve wanted to. I’ve thought about it. There have been so many experiences, situations, adventures and daily struggles that I would love to try to make sense of with words. I’ve even tried. But every time I sat down to write, I was flooded with emotions, heavily lined with anxiety and fear. Full link in bio

I’m an over thinker...I focus on the details and notice when a blade of grass is out of place...then my focus is on that blade and what it means. But the bigger picture shows that blade means nothing, that it simply was blown in the wind. A calm mind requires a change of perspective...appreciate the beauty of the finer details and remember to see the bigger picture. I want to flip the script, relax into a new perspective and get outta my head. Present, brave, kind and full of gratitude 💚#grateful #flipthescript #overthinking #details

Present in the moment. Nothing but the sound of the flowing river, my feet on the dusty gravel and my breath. Exhaling anxiety, self doubt and insecurity. Inhaling gratitude, acceptance and kindness. Back on my feet and stronger than ever 💚 #soulfuel #cantstopwontstop #present #selfcare #kindness #runnergirl

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