Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated ~ Confucius
I have a “friend” who met a guy on a girls weekend away. They instantly hit it off. The conversation was witty, intelligent, flirty. The sparks were literally jumping off of them, as they couldn’t take their eyes off each other. They sparked all over the place, common interests, lived in the same town, both single. The wine flowed, as did the conversation. The evening turned into night and the night faded into dawn. They parted with a sweet kiss and an exchange of phone numbers. Later that day, after sleeping in and buckets of coffee, my “friend” and the other girls were in the car back home and she said, “I really hope he texts me.”
Of course he will!
You guys clearly hit it off
He’d be insane not to
The next day, checking in with my “friend”, it was discovered that he had not texted her. But she had texted him, four times, with no response. So in case it’s not entirely obvious, it wasn’t my friend, it was me. This happened to me, several years ago and on more than one occasion. I tried so hard. I felt like I needed to convince or demonstrate how amazing I was. I’m sure in that trying I chased people away by being too needy, overwhelming or turning into a scary Klingon.
I’ve seen it happen with my friends too. Although I won’t tell their stories, the stories are very similar to mine and result in them chasing after a guy. Fighting the urge to tell them to go and re-watch the movie, He’s Just Not That Into You, I generally say, “perhaps it’s time to move on? Someone will appreciate your quirk and your time and your attention.”
It really is that simple. If someone is interested, he will make the time. He will text, call, email, ask to see you, take you for coffee, whatever it is, it will happen. Because he wants it to happen. Why then do we waste our time chasing someone who is clearly not that into us? It’s that simple. We have no reason to complicate it.
The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, they must inspire you to say “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them. The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” also states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, THEY must respond with a “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them ~ Mark Manson
As Mark Manson so eloquently points out, why would we even want to be with someone who’s not a Fuck Yes about us? Why would we feel like we need to convince someone to see how amazing and wonderful we are? Why do we need to make it so complicated, when it’s very simple. Stop trying so hard.
I have spent so much time trying. Trying to control chaos, control outcomes, to figure it all out. Yet the best times, outcomes and moments have arisen from just letting go and keeping it simple. Allowing the situation to unfold as it’s meant to. That doesn’t mean not making my intentions clear or asking for what I want. It means doing exactly that. Being clear, being open and not trying. Just being. Simple.
And this is the reason that trying to be happy inevitably will make you unhappy. Because to try to be happy implies that you are not already inhabiting your ideal self, you are not aligned with the qualities of who you wish to be. After all, if you were acting out your ideal self, then you wouldn’t feel the need to try to be happy ~ Mark Manson